Beggars Can't Be Choosers.

 While I went and had a wash Jan cooked breakfast. I didn't really feel like eating but they both insisted and I guess it made sense so I agreed to have a slice of toast like Jan but she wasn't putting up with that either so I agreed to have a fry up with George, but only a small one. I need to remember in future that she has a funny idea of what small is. They say that I need building up a bit!

By the time breakfast was over I was feeling less emotional but still quite down in the dumps and I couldn't really put a finger on why. I think I felt that I'd failed some how although I wasn't sure what I'd actually failed at. I think the main reason is that I've felt the pain of leaving and that one day soon I'm going to have to go through it all again, but without the turning back. Even just writing about that now brings a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat. It's the absolute worse feeling ever.

After some debate I got to do the washing up while they did the packing away. 

"If I'm staying it's not as a freeloader, I wanted to do what I can to be part of you, to help where I can."

George immediately reach for the keys to the camper van and handed them to me.

"There you go, you can do the driving then," he said with a big grin on his face.

Of course I couldn't but I think it was done purely to get a smile out of me which it very much did.

After I'd got finished I left George to put the pots away in the correct places and went through to Jan in the bedroom, she had found me some clothes of hers out to wear. It was just some, what I would call trousers, she called them slacks though, I'm not sure what the difference is as I can't see any. There is also a shirt and a sweat shirt for over the top. 

"They're nothing fancy but they'll do, and beggars can't be choosers can they now," she said with what I took to be nice intentions.

When we got going we drove down the road quite away until we came to a place called 'Laxford Bridge' where there was a good place to pull over also there was a reasonable signal on Georges phone, I hadn't turned mine on yet. When we came to a stop George said to try my phone as we'd better phone Irene before he made his calls so that she knew what the situation was as soon as possible. George said that he would start the call for me and explain the situation. However Jan said that it might be better if she did it being a woman, she thought Irene might think I was being kidnapped if a strange man phoned up. I think she was probably serious about that but I'm not sure. She said that once she's explained to Irene she would be handing the phone to me as it's only right that I had a word with her, I was okay about that. I was just pleased she was making the initial call for me.

Anyway she made the call and I could hear Irene, she was obviously a bit surprised at first but after Jan explained what had happened and that I wasn't in any fit state to be traveling, especially alone, she seemed okay about it all. When I spoke to her she basically told me not to go taking anymore risks just to go and see her but when I was better and if I was able to do so safely she would be thrilled to have me go and stay with her. I just wish that I was as thrilled as she was about it. I'm thinking that I may have until Friday or Saturday with George and Jan and that they will drop me off at Irene's on their way home, I feel the pain already. It's killing my mood. I should be happy, enjoying these few days with them but I can't. Perhaps I should do as Jan says and confess to them, but what can they do? What can anyone do about a broken heart?