On a Saturday I eat my breakfast by myself as I have to get off to the stables. So this day I have porridge with some berries and honey and eat it while mum is there preparing breakfast for her and dad, and also Eric if he is at work. I tried to be normal today even though I had things on my mind. I don't know if mum picked up on something or more likely she was thinking of all the things I have going on at the moment. But as I was leaving she handed me the bag with my lunch in it and we hugged as we always do when parting.
However this time she hung on to me a while and said, "You're only seventeen, don't go taking on the whole world just yet Katie. I want you to be my little girl a while longer, we still have a lot of catching up to do."
I contemplated what she had said on my walk down the lane. It's something that's been bothering me for a while now, because the more things I take on the further it seems to take me away from mum and dad. I guess it's the same reason that I came home with dad on the tractor last night. I don't want to lose the times that I had when first coming here. I don't want everything to just become normal and matter of fact. I must do as mum says and try to pull back a bit this next week. Try to be simply mummy and daddies little girl again.
Now though I had to think about what was probably about to happen as I had reached the gates to the farm where we have the stables. I was in good time so I decided to wait awhile even though I wasn't sure if Charlotte was even coming this week. Normally I would say that it was better if she didn't come as it always means trouble for me somehow. But this week I needed to get things sorted for my own peace of mind. I know nothing would get sorted until we spoke properly.
I didn't have to wait long before I saw her car coming down the lane. Her dad was driving this week, I said hello to them both before walking off down the drive with Charlotte. It didn't feel quite like normal but that could just be me. I asked if we could speak sometime before she went home tonight, she didn't ask why, so I took that to mean that she didn't need to ask so I was sort of pleased about that as it meant she had an idea why and so wasn't trying to pretend about it being anything other.
I didn't get to see her again to talk until lunch time. She was in the stable before me today as I was with Lyn taking a lesson. At first I thought Lyn was going to join us for lunch, but thankfully she went off talking to someone about lessons.
At this point I have written, and was going to publish a more detailed account of our conversation. But on reflection I have decided not to publish it at the moment as I don't feel right about doing so, it all feels a bit raw and personal at the moment. I know you don't know Charlotte and she will never read this but what's happened to her is not very nice and so I'm sure she wouldn't like me broadcasting all the finer details. So it's just a respect thing really. I am going to save what I have written though, with a view to publishing it separately at a later date when I know better what the outcome is and if it feels better to do so.
However don't worry, I'm not so cruel as to leave you in the dark. If you can remember from a while back, I told you how Charlotte's parents had confiscated all of her photographic equipment, which included her phone because of it's camera. Although having seen how basic her phone is, I shouldn't imagine the camera on it was something that would meet photographic society standards should she have decided to disobey her parents ban on such activities. Anyway, the thing is, that while it was supposedly in their safe keeping, Charlotte's younger brother got his hands on it and managed to hack the pin number to unlock it. From what she said, he didn't do anything to technical, it was just a case of a weak pin number and teaching a monkey to use a typewriter. Since then it would seem he has been using any opportunity he could get his hands on it to send messages, not only to me but also to other friends of Charlotte's that he took a particular fancy too. He finally ran out of talent when one of the girls agreed to meet him, which meant he had to come clean with her in the hope she would overlook the fact that it wasn't really Charlotte. It doesn't sound like she was too impressed and reported him to his parents so now he's the one in big trouble.
I so knew it wasn't Charlotte and I'm so glad I gave her this chance, The trouble is she tells me that he will be made to apologise to me as he has with any of the others that he has upset. I said not to bother as I don't want him coming to the farm and upsetting mum and dad. It's best forgotten as far as I'm concerned as it seems as though his parents have taken him to task over it. I know just the place for him, but that would just make me the same as my birth mother wouldn't it.
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