A Date With A Mate.

 Today I felt I should get dressed up after breakfast as later I would be going with mum to meet one of her old school friends. I guess I didn’t need to add the ‘old’. If she is a school friend of mum’s then I suppose it’s obvious she will be at least oldish.

Anyway I dressed and altered my appearance to suit the occasion, which was lunch in a restaurant. It turned out to be the sort of place where you order your food and are never quite sure until it arrives just what you’ve ordered. Also, when it did arrive I wasn’t sure if I was meant to eat it or admire it. The chef clearly had a different sort of upbringing to the one I had when growing up. My mother was forever telling me to stop playing around with my food and get it eaten. She wouldn’t even allow me to spell my name with alphabet spaghetti! This guy seemingly isn’t content with playing with his own food but has the need to play around with everyone else’s too. Then he had the nerve to make us pay some extortionate price for the privilege.

 So I put on my best clothes, pushed, pulled, twisted and painted everything to such a degree that it would easily have passed one of grandfather’s routine morning inspections. I couldn’t help thinking that perhaps I should adopt such standards more often as I have to admit to letting things slip since the inspections ended. Do such standards apply to work wear though? I don’t know. Grandfather never inspected my work wear, just my uniform, so maybe not.

 Mum’s friend was a bit of a nightmare to be honest, and I’m afraid to say, she did my head in. She just never stopped talking. She asked me several questions, yet never let me answer one of them properly. I can think of two occasions when she asked me something and before I even opened my mouth to reply,  she had changed the subject completely and was talking to mum again. In the end I just gave up talking, which made me worry that I would appear to be rude or something. Anyway, true to form it didn’t matter as just before leaving she complemented mum on having such a beautifully charming well mannered daughter, and wished us all eternal happiness together. She also hoped we could meet up again sometime in the near future. I must remember to take a gag with me next time – and some sandwiches.

 Well, as you can perhaps tell from the above drivel, and no doubt below drivel also, my wonder woman costume has once again done nothing more than provided entertainment for the moths in my wardrobe. No disasters, broken love triangles, or... I’ve gone and forgotten what it was called now! The thing I gave Eric with the vacuum cleaner, that I’ve no need to bother myself with?  Anyway, I just remembered something else instead. Someone came during the night and stole the copper wire from two of the wind turbines, so rendering them useless. The police are on to it though. Well let’s face it, if anyone is suited to investigating the theft of copper wire it will be a copper! So I won’t bother myself with that. Besides, I do have bigger fish to fry tomorrow. It’s to do with something you all overlooked on Monday.

 Here’s a little fact about where I live. Although the farm is hardly more than three hundred meters from the village pub, which is in the centre of the village, our address takes the name of a village six miles away.