I've been finishing off the rolling at Uncle ken's today. It's been a good day. The job went well, the weather was nice again, and I was on my tractor. Perfect!
Mum brought dad up to take the tractor and roller back at around five, and we all stayed for a BBQ in Uncle Ken's garden. I decided to ride back on the tractor with dad. I just fancied riding with him as I had recently been thinking about that first time I went on the tractor with him, and how he let me drive it. It was such a thrill for me, the whole day was a thrill. Especially after the mess I made of holding the gate open for Eric! So I just wanted to sort of revisit the time. There was a nice moment when we got on to our lane. He commented on how nice I had my tractor and not to be put off by Eric as he was only joking with me. I assured him that I wasn't and he then said how proud he is of me, then took my hand and held it all the way back home. We didn't say anything else, there was no need.
Rolling is not a demanding job so there is plenty of time to think about things. I know I'm probably being stupid now but I got to thinking about Charlotte and I remembered when she first came to the stables and how pleased I was that she befriended me rather than going off with the other girls, I was so thrilled. So it pains me that I have just turned my back on her. Reading her last message it's clear to see that she still sees me as a friend, and doesn't even seem to realise that she has done anything wrong.
So, I've decided that if she does come to the stables tomorrow I'm at least going to explain to her face that whilst I don't want all that sex stuff I do still enjoy having her as a friend. I can't say what I'm going to do after that as I can't second guess what her reaction will be. I'm hoping she will accept that. If maybe she has some kind of a problem, which I feel sure she must have because I feel absolutely sure that sort of thing is not her real character - it just can't be. But if she does own up to having a problem then I will offer to help her with it, like proper friends we will sort it out together.
If I just cut her off because of the sex talk then I am little better than my birth mother. I needed a friend after I was caught with Dave but nobody stepped up for me, and I still remember how that felt. She needs a friend right now, not someone who dumps her because they got offended by something they saw.
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