Onward.

 Well good old Irene has come through for me after all, shame on me for doubting her. The only trouble is that I have to get to Durness by tomorrow night as she has me a room booked at a B&B. She bought me a ticket for a bus from Durness at 08:05 in Friday morning arriving at Inverness at 11:46 am. I then have seat on another bus leaving at 12:50 for Edinburgh arriving 16:35 where she will pick me up. I will be paying her back when I can get some money. I feel so much better about everything now. I can't believe it.

I spent some time this afternoon cleaning and putting back all the things I've been using. Apart from my own things I am also taking the bag that I've been using, the book that I'm reading, Jim's map and bandage. All will be eventually returned as soon a I can. I've decided to leave the bowl, mug and spoon here in the room as I don't want them to give the game away just yet by leaving them in the kitchen. I'm also leaving the sheepskin, blanket and pillow rolled up on the bed. I intend to call someone about them in time.

Also this afternoon I marked some rough distances on Jim's map to give me some reference as to what my progress is. If I set off at five and complete one segment each hour I will reach the road by one o'clock, that will give me at least three hours of day light in which to get a lift to Durness. It will be around twelve miles to Durness from where I attain the road, so I could walk it if there is no ride offered. It would take me all night though and I would be well tired by the time I got there.

Hopefully I will be back here again soon, but if not I would like to thank all those that have made my stay in this little room more enjoyable. 

Onwards to the outer edge and lets see what the future holds for us.

Two Choices.

 I had two choices to make with regard to tomorrow, and one of them wasn't staying here in this room. It was only ever meant to be a stopgap and I've been in here nearly a month. I can't believe how quickly that time has passed. I like this little room and I will miss it. At one point recently, when things were tougher than normal, I even considered handing myself in on a promising to behave myself if I could live in this little room. However I came to the conclusion that after nearly a month without me and considering how I spoke to my grandfather the last time I saw him, they probably got used to not having me around anyway. 

So, as one of the only two choices that I have for tomorrow is to hand myself in and go through a whole lot of pain and trouble for what I've been up to this past month, only to find out that I'm not welcome anymore anyway, or even if I am, I will find myself back where I started, so going through all of this carry on for nothing. I figured I was better trying to move forwards rather than backwards. 

I'm not sure why today feels like my last day before the execution though. I guess I'm not the adventurous type or something.

This Is My Last Day.

 I have decided, rightly or wrongly, that this is my last day in this room. If the weather forecast for tomorrow changes then I would also change with it as I'm not setting off in to the great unknown at the same time as doing battle with the weather. I have no plan other than to reach the outer edge by noon tomorrow. I'm heading south to Ullapool where I then hope to maybe enlist the help of someone off a ferry who is heading Edinburgh way. That is when I will contact Irene again, we will see then if she really is worried about me or just has cold cold feet about me staying with her.

Disappointment.

 I've had a bit of a set back today. I went and let it slip to Irene that I planned on getting to her house by cadging a lift from someone. Actually she asked how I was traveling down to Edinburgh, she had been assuming that it was by coach as there are no trains around here. Well, I couldn't lie so told her that I was hoping I could persuade someone to give me a lift as I had no money to travel any other way. She isn't impressed to say the least and has told me that she doesn't want me taking those sort of risks just to visit her. I like to think that she is sincere about what she says and isn't just using it as an excuse for getting cold feet. I was all optimistic too as she had told me how her local supermarket was always looking for staff, now I'm all deflated. Does it never end?

I could hear some one shuffling.

 Someone entered  the East Wing corridor this morning just after eleven. I was sitting in the armchair reading my book when I heard the biscuit tins that I set as an early warning alarm. I had all my bedding rolled up and ready to go as usual so I took a quick look round the room to make sure there was nothing that made the place looked lived and then went to the bathroom as planned, threw everything in to the hidyhole and stood listening. I could hear some one shuffling around in the first part of the corridor which is the other side of the bathroom wall but they didn't come down to my end of the corridor so I didn't have to enter my little safe room. I heard nothing for the rest of the day so when it got to around four I went to take a look but apart from the tins being on top of one of the book cases I could see nothing any different to usual. I've been on edge all day though.

I had a little chat with Irene last night, mainly to make sure she got home okay. I've told here that I am hoping to be leaving here on Thursday as that seems to be a good day for the weather. I promised to keep her informed as to what progress I'm making so that she knows when to expect me.

Round & Round.

 I seem to be starting to realise the gravity of the task I've taken on. It's almost all consuming, constant thoughts going round and round in my head, and it's sickening me. Not in a throwing up sort of way, but as a nervous drain. If it weren't for the thought of the sneering look on his face at another one of my failures I could have given up and gone down to breakfast this morning.

Pennine Walkies.

 I found a new book to read today called 'Pennine Walkies'. It's a bout a man and his dog who take on the two hundred and seventy mile hiking trail called 'The Pennine Way'. I enjoyed the other trail walking book so I'm looking forward to reading this.

I'm not sure whether I will get to finish reading the book as I am planning to leave here as soon as I can see a good window in the weather. Now I have somewhere to go there is no point in hanging around.

The weather seems to have been a lot calmer today and I haven't seen it raining at all.

A Day Of Nasty Weather.

 Today has been mega windy with some nasty wet weather at times. I'm sure grateful that I wasn't traveling anywhere today. I must be careful of this sort of thing when I make my move from here.

Irene has informed me that provided the trains are running she will be traveling back to Edinburgh on Sunday so I will be welcome anytime after Monday. I've told here that I will probably not be there for maybe a week or so but that I would give her some idea when to expect me closer to the time.

I wrote another little back post this morning which can be found on the 25th January 2024. I finished reading my second book today, I guess I will look for another one tomorrow, I'm not sure whether I will finish it or not though.

Be the best that I can.

 Today I have some good news but more importantly a chance to take a step forward. Irene replied to my message in a very favourable way. She seems absolutely thrilled to hear from me and even more so that I wish to visit her. Because this is the start of my new life I want it also to be a start of new ways of living that life. I need to work hard and be the best that I can. So with that thought in mind I knew I had to be straight with my reason for the visit, apart from it being nice to see her again. She seemed more than happy about it saying that I would have the choice of two rooms and that she was looking forward to the company. I'm feeling much better about it today as I no longer feel that I'm using her. I still have the problem of getting to Edinburgh though. It's a major concern as I've not been able to improve on my original idea.

Back Post For January 23rd 2024

 Here is another back post The Flat.

I'm a bit on edge.

 Today I managed to get a message off to Irene, it actually sent first time. I've not had a reply yet though so I'm a bit on edge about that. To be truthful, I am a lot on edge. Because of this I've not been able to settle to doing very much. I know, I never do much these days, but I haven't even wrote any back stories simply because all I can think about is the near future. There was a point where I entertained the thought of returning to grandfather, it just seems an easier option. I know though that the first time we had a disagreement, which would most likely occur the first day back with him, I would be sure be kicking myself for not going through with this.

I have two big problems. One being transport south and the other is somewhere to stay until I can get work and so afford some accommodation. This is why a good reply from Irene is such a big deal for me. As for transport, I have no idea other than cadging a lift, which I'm definitely not happy about. Maybe I need to try and be selective. I have thought of several other ways, none of which I'm willing to entertain.

Message to Irene.

 Good Day Irene,

Hopefully you remember me from the time we spent together on the train and at Edinburgh station this time last year.

I realise I've been a stranger since then and I do sincerely apologize for that - no excuses.

Anyway, the thing is that I hope to be traveling south in the next few weeks or so and I'm wondering if you would be up for me paying you a short visit?

I do realise that quite some time has passed, therefore things might not be as they were when we said goodbye, so please don't feel obliged to accommodate my wishes. I won't be offended or anything.

It would be nice to see you again though.

In Search Of Wifi.

Before starting the food run this morning I went in search of a better wifi signal. I was going to leave my bag in the kitchen but then thought that if I needed to hide somewhere whist on my mission my bag could give the game away. So I decided to take it with me.

On entering the kitchen there is a work top on the left, and also the opposite wall. The window is also in the opposite wall so no wall cupboards. The sink and ever boiling kettle along with the other appliances are on the window work top. The window is set high up the wall as in other servant areas. So no peeking outside. All other walls have wooden cupboards on them. Behind the door to the right is a wooden table that can be used to prepare food etc.

Across the kitchen diagonally is a three meter long passage, at the end of which. in the left hand wall is a door that leads to the main dinning room. The door opens to the right and behind it, almost the  length of the wall is a huge ornate dresser on which sits a massive ornamental bowl. Plus a few other normal sized ornaments. Pass with this dresser on your right and the head of the dinning table to your left, and in front of you is another door. I tested for a wifi signal in the dinning room and whilst it was better there than in my room I thought I would try for further improvement.

I quietly opened the door in front of me fully aware that I was now entering deep into the forbidden zone. As I slowly opened the door, there standing in front of me was the ticking clock. It looked much as I thought it would, a tall grandfather clock, slowly and methodically ticking away the time. Something it had been doing for many years. Stepping through the door I was in to what looked to be an entrance hall which was laid out exactly the same as the upstairs landing. To my right was the foot of the large staircase. Just beyond this and leading away down the side of it was a passage way. This passage I assumed was the other end of the one that ran down the side of our stairs. In the wall to my right were double glass doors giving access to a cloak room type place, this was obviously the front door. In front between the clock and the front door was a single glass door. As with the front doors the glass was in small panes and not one single sheet of glass. I didn't count them but at a guess I would say there were fifty panes in a single door.

To my left now was a corridor leading away in to darkness. Follow this corridor and after five meters it opens out to the right in to this gigantic room. The ceiling was two stories high and the corresponding upstairs corridor also opened out in to this room but only had viewing access down in to the room. This was a very dodgy room for me giving such access as it did. So for that reason I limited myself to viewing it only from the downstairs corridor, that way I couldn't be seen from upstairs should anyone be looking. Also noise would have easy assess to travel up to the bedrooms. I had got to be good at being quiet though. Grandfather would be proud that I was putting his lessons to good use. At the far end of this room was an amazing bay window from ground to ceiling, so two stories high. I've never seen such a window before.

Apart from the massive room, high ceiling, tall window, in the right hand wall was and equally impressive fireplace which was set back in it's own little room. This alcove type feature was around four meters deep and just as wide and down each side were benches with cushions. I should imaging it would be very warm sitting that close to such a large fire.

The centre of the room was mostly full of armchairs and couches with a low table in the very center. Against the left hand wall were a couple of cabinets and a low dresser. And close to the passage where I stood was a door, presumably to another room. I didn't venture through it but instead retreated to the dinning room. I felt super vulnerable in the big room with it being exposed to the upper floor as it was. I didn't even get my phone out to check the wifi. I thought I would try to do what I wanted in the dinning room first.

It was very slow to download Whatsapp but it did at least stay connected which is the problem I have in my room. If I try to do something substantial it disconnects before finishing. I got it all set up while I was there too, so now all it has to do is send a message which hopefully it will managed to do from my room.

I now quickly got the food and drink that I needed before retiring once again for another day of solitude. I was quite tired after my mission which was a bit stressing.

Another Covert Mission.

I had a thought today, well actually I had lots of thoughts, all I seem to do these days is think. For this idea to work though I am going to have to undertake another covert mission before tomorrow mornings food run. I'm not sure what if any risk there is over and above the risk I usually take, but I think it will be worth it, especially if it helps the stars to align. The thing is as I've said previously, I have been looking to enlist the help of Mrs Scott to assist my escape but for whatever reason she is proving to be illusive. Most likely on account of me not being able to remember the name of her guest house correctly. I had no need to remember it at the time, and the piece of paper that it was written on for emergencies is long gone.

Then while I was thinking I got around to remembering Irene from Edinburgh. We met on the train on the way up here and we got on really well. Could I impose myself on her though? Not rightly so, or at least it wouldn't sit well with me. I promised to keep in touch and I haven't. I hate people who only get in touch when they want something.  However if I remember right, she did say to go and visit her if I was ever in the area, even adding that she would give me a tour of the city. Who knows, maybe she didn't mean it, but I've chosen to convince myself that she would be delighted to see me despite my neglect. 

"By letting other people down you let yourself down girl," I can hear grandfather say.

Of course it would only be a visit, not even a sponge like myself would impose job seeking duties up on her. 

So tomorrow mornings mission is to locate enough wifi to enable me to reinstall 'Whatsapp' onto my phone. I deleted it sometime ago along with all the social media rubbish that I became obsessed with, although I think that strictly speaking 'Whatsapp' is more of a messenger service. But it's a Meta app so it got the chop. 

I Still Have A Voice.

 I found that I had to give myself a talking to this morning. I got to thinking while eating my breakfast how I hadn't heard my own voice in over two weeks. I didn't even realise this until now. I think this is because I'm always thinking about things like what I'm going to write about in my diary and it seems like I am talking but in reality I'm not. Anyway I got to thinking that I needed to hear my voice again so I shut myself in the bathroom and read a sentence from the book I'm reading. Thankfully I do still have a voice. The reason for undertaking the experiment in the bathroom was that it's enclosed, so more sound proof, although it was four in the morning so I'm doubtful that anyone was around. Also, with it having no windows I could light my book up with my phone which is something I daren't risk in the bedroom because of the window. 

 I've had no luck in tracking down Mrs Scott. I think my biggest problem is the wifi, or to be more precise, the lack of it. I'm to far out on a limb where I am. When I did my school work the laptop had to be connected by a cable and that was a lot closer to the main part of the house than I am now and even that could work properly with wifi. I've had no more response to the emails I sent out, that doesn't mean to say I won't, its not a good time of year to be looking for work in hospitality, especially up here. 

I am pleased to be able to say that I am now free of ailments. I no longer have my arm bandaged up and thankfully it all works as it should. My cold has gone apart from the occasional little cough and my forehead and finger, which were never a problem anyway are all better. So as far as fitness goes I'm all set for moving on from here.

Two New Back Entries.

 I've added a couple of new back entries today, here are the links: Walking The Stairs and Midge Attack

Hearing Things

I have spent some time today trying to find the address of the guest house that I stayed at in Inverness on the way up here. Mr and Mrs Scott seemed nice people so I've been thinking that maybe they would help get me set up with some work somewhere. I thought I knew the name of the place but I can't seem to find it online anywhere.

I thought I heard a noise this morning around ten so that threw me in to a bit of a flap. I got all my things in to the hiding place and I stood listening for ages but heard nothing else. After a while of silence I relaxed a little but left my things in hiding for the rest of the day. I explored the passage in the afternoon but the tins were still in place and nothing looked out of the ordinary. I'm not sure what I heard but it was good practice for the real thing.

A Bit Of A Different Entry Today.

 Today I have added a new back entry to this journal. For those interested the link follows. The Arrival

As this diary is record of  my own experiences and memories I tend not to elaborate on subjects that for me are side issues that I already know the answer to. Feeling that if other people who enjoy reading my diary want to know more they will ask me and I will then do my best to explain. Today being a bit of a slow day with regard to anything happening I thought I would take the time to answer something that I have been asked about several times, just to save me having to answer basically the same question over and over.

Roughly speaking the question is, who are the other people who live here and what is their purpose? I will start at the top and work my way down in the general order of things.

The Invisible Man: That's my nickname for him. He is the owner which none of us are allowed to even mention let alone see or discuss. He is a very private recluse and so out of respect for that and the fact that he is providing me with a roof over my head, I won't say anymore about him. Also I don't really know any more about him.

Ms Oliver: She is the personal assistant to the above mentioned. She is around sixty, quite tall and slim build with short hair which changes colour from time to time. Always dresses smart and addresses us all with authority. She is the only one who can see the Invisible Man and one of three people who has permission to enter the private part of the house. Her roll is to basically do all the things the Invisible Man would do if he wasn't a recluse. I find her strict but fair.

Grandfather Tom: Otherwise referred to as Bongo. Sixty six years old. He is a pompous little fat man with a bald head, wears glasses and has a moustache. He is a sergeant major type, has lots of rules and standards that have to be followed to the letter, more especially so when it comes to me it seems. I'm the only one he has any real authority over so the others just tend to humour him. His role is mainly to look after the cabins but he also does a few chores such as seeing to the dogs and checking over the vehicles which I don't think he's very good at seen as how bits always seem to be dropping off them. I doubt he has ever had a good laugh in his life. A very serious man.

Cindy: Wife to Ivan and a superb cook. Very friendly and helpful. Cindy is in her forties, not thin but not fat either, with short blonde hair. She cooks all the meals that we eat so she never has time to do any other sort of work around the place. Cindy is my favourite.

Ivan: He is a tall slim man with a full head of hair and something on his face that he likes to call a beard. He has a Baltic surname yet Scottish accent. I think he is in his forties and does odd jobs/repair work in the house and looks after the gardens. Because of his roll as repair man to the house he is the second of three people that are allowed in to the forbidden part of the house. However he is not allowed any contact with the owner whilst performing his duties. Ms Oliver is key to organising this. He always looks like he is suffering from pain but apparently he isn't, he's just blessed with a pained look. 

Sheena: She is in maybe her late fifties, very slim with short dark hair. She is the housekeeper and for that reason she is the third of three people who has permission to enter the forbidden part of the house, BUT only after being authorized to do so by Ms Oliver. She also does all the laundry. Sheena is married to Dougie and they live in a cottage down by the loch.

Dougie: To look at Dougie I would say the he is younger than Sheena. He has a full head of black hair, beard and is a very thick set and stocky man. I only really see Dougie on a Sunday when he comes to the house for lunch. I've never worked with him or anything. From what I can gather he looks after things out on the estate. He also takes people stalking and fishing. He's always cheerful enough  and pulls my leg quite a bit. He makes me laugh, which annoys grandfather immensely.

Me: I have long brown hair, 158cm tall of slim to average build. I'm the rebellious youth of the estate - apparently. My roll here is to learn both intellectual theory and practical improvement, Grandfathers words, not mine. Basically he means I have to improve my general standards, intelligence, morals and manners. All of which it seems I am deficient in, if you listen to him. When I'm not doing lessons I have to do work which usually involves helping one of the others. So that means I've done cabin work, garden work, laundry work and a bit of work in the kitchen. It's all part of my improvement plan and I do enjoy it for the most part.

I hope that answers the questions for some of you who wanted to know. As I said at the beginning, I don't want to make a habit of explaining side issues as part of my entries as that's not what this is about, but I don't mind making the odd exception if enough people ask the same question and it helps you understand something better.

A Reply To My Mails.

 Today I finished the book that I've been reading and for the most part I've enjoyed it although I found the end part of it a little disappointing in that the walk seemed to be rushed so it was harder to feel a part of it. The one I've found to read next is a Victorian farmers diary. I've only read a few pages so far but I'm interested in carrying on with it.

I got a reply to one of my emails today, They have made a note of my address and will get back to me if and when they need someone.

A Peek Out Of The Back Door

 So, what have I done today? Well, not a lot other than the usual. When I did the food run I did take a peek out of the back door, mainly to see what the weather was like and how much snow is left. It was hard to tell in the back yard though because it's either been run down or moved around but there still looks to be quite a bit.

I don't usually venture far away from the task in hand which is gathering food for the day. I try to be as quick but careful as I can so that I spend as little time out in the open as possible. I can't think why anyone would be coming downstairs at two in the morning but there is nothing to stop them if they wanted to. It's not really a fear of being caught as I think I would stand a good chance of hearing someone coming and so be able to hide. I worry about being cut of from returning to my room. 

Instead of porridge I had a bowl of cornflakes with milk, honey and raisins. I also found some Christmas cake in a tin so I had a bit of that also some cheese and crackers. The Thermos flasks are working out great. It all goes in the bag except for the cereals of course which I carry in my hand. I only need to make a single trip though instead of the three that I was having to make in the beginning.

Servants Quarters

Today seems to have been a bit miserable with regard to the weather, from what I could see of which isn't very much. The windows in the East Wing are set quite high in the wall. I once saw a TV program that said that working areas and servants quarters in country houses such as this had windows set high in the wall so that the servants couldn't look out on the gentry. So I'm thinking that the East Wing was the servants quarters once up on a time. The same also applies downstairs in the kitchen and the pantries etc. It actually suits my purpose as it means I can freely move around without fear of anyone peeking in on me. The fact that this room has a fireplace and a bathroom makes me think that it's a room that would have been occupied by one of the top members of staff such as a butler, housekeeper or perhaps even a cook.

Today I was able to find some places to email with regard to work. I have thought of a bit of a problem in that if they want to interview me and I then have to wait to see if I have the job, where do I wait for their reply?

The rest of my day has been the same as past days, I have a steady routine going, no interruptions from anyone so long may it continue.

A Little Warmer.

 Today it seems that it must be a little warm as quite suddenly around eleven this morning the ice melted from the glass in the window. I have to say though that it didn't seem to have much effect inside the room.

However, unlike the heat situation my hand seems to be improving. It's still a little swollen but not as much as the last time I looked. It's quite a relief to me as I was worried that it was something that was going to require medical intervention, but now I think it just needs time. My cold has just about gone too, apart from the occasional cough so that's another positive. My forehead was just a graze, I think from when I tripped over the wire at chicken bridge. Although I did bump into a few tree branches that day also. My finger that I trapped in the pantry door was never really a problem, I just ended up with  a blood blister from that.

As my medical woes seem to be clearing up I've been deciding on a plan of action to extract myself this situation. I can't stay here forever, it would be a pointless existence that's for sure. I'm living like a rat. So I've managed to get some email addresses of local hotels so I'm going to mail them and ask if they have any work or if not could they save my details should they get anything in the future. I will also look further a field too. 

Because I have been looking for contact details I didn't get to write anymore back story today. The internet here is so frustration, I don't think it reaches to this end of the house.

I also spent some time reading the book I got yesterday. I'm actually enjoying it more than I thought.

A New Pass Time.

 Today, apart from the usual food run which I won't go in to again as it was much the same as in the past, no tour of the dinning room today though. I decided to pass the time I would try reading a book. There are lots to choose from in the corridor. In the end I chose one called 'A Pennine Journey' and it's authored by someone called Alfred Wainwright. I haven't read much yet but I'm enjoying it. From what I gather it's about a walking tour he undertook around the Pennine hills, I think before the second world war. It looks an old book so I'm being careful not to wreck it.

Also today I wrote another back dated piece for my diary, entitled, 'Beyond The Forbidden Door'. It's about the day when I went through the forbidden door to visit the East Wing for the first time. I would never have imagined then that I would one day be living in it. It just goes to show that you never know what's around the next corner. I dread to think where I will be in another six months time.

That's it really, A nice uneventful day.

Exploration Of The Dinning room.

 I had a good food run this morning. I took the thermos flasks down with me in the bag so less trips up and down the stairs with no risk of leaving a telltale trail spilt coffee. The flasks work okay and I've been enjoying warm coffee all day. I left them in the bag and wrapped spare clothes around them so I think that may have helped to keep in the heat. 

I had to make do with porridge just made with hot water today as there wasn't any milk that was opened. I also added honey and raisins to it so it wasn't to bad. It filled me up so that's the main thing. I was also able to make a sandwich for later in the day but instead of jam I had to use marmalade as the open jam jar is getting low. Also I had a really great find in the chicken bucket, almost half a Victoria sponge cake. I was reluctant to take it at first as I had doubts as to why it was in there but it looked fine. It didn't look like it had been kicked around the floor or anything. I took half of what was there and left the other half just in case someone missed it. It did mean me making an extra trip up stairs though as I couldn't really put it in the bag with the other things. It tastes so yummy!

At the back of the kitchen there is a door which leads into the dinning room to the house so after cleaning up crumbs and doing my check round I decided to take  a peek. Going about in the dark my eyes get used to it so I can see okay but obviously not as good as in the daylight but even so it looks an amazing room. Quite large with a massive table in the middle. There are a few chairs around it but there is room for lots more. The walls are of wood paneling and have portraits hung on them. At the far end is a large fireplace and at either side are built in glass fronted cabinets filled with plates and dishes and all manner of things like that. From what I could make out they looked very old. I walked round and then back out, I didn't touch anything.

I did some more back story today, I think I've finished off telling of my journey here. Time passes and I'd forgotten some of the feelings and emotions, even some of the details too. They're still there in my head and writing about it brings them all back out. Now they're written down so can't be forgotten.

So Cold

 This morning when I went for food my sleeve caught in the door handle on the pantry door and stopped me getting my hand out of the way in time, so now I've got a trapped finger to go with the injured wrist, bad cold and grazed fore head. I don't think my finger is going to be too painful thankfully.

I remembered this morning, when I was making my coffee, there were two thermos flasks in the picnic hamper that I looked in the other day when I wanted something to carry my belongings in. If they're any good I may even be able to make enough coffee to have a hot drink in my room throughout the day. I've rinsed them out the best I can here and they look okay on the inside so I will wash them out with some boiling water in the morning and then fill them both with coffee and see how we get on.

My cold has now developed in to a cough which is very awkward with regard to being quiet. I have to keep burying my head in the pillow. I just hope I can keep it under control when I'm downstairs in the morning. I took the bandage off my arm today for the first time. I didn't like to take it off before as I didn't really want to see it. Also I wasn't sure if I could put it back on again as well as Jim did it. I did manage okay though. I think it's on the mend as it's not hurting quite so much but both wrist and hand are still swollen. 

It's been really cold in here today. There is ice on the window panes, the fingers on my right hand and my nose have had frost bite several times I reckon. I can even see my breath. I dread to think how cold it must be outside. For this reason alone I'm going to be staying where I am for a while yet. If I end up sleeping rough I want it to be warmer than this.

I've spent most of the day in the little armchair with the sheepskin pulled over me. Thank goodness for the sheepskin! I've done some more writing. I've more or less cleared the backlog from the new year so I think tomorrow I will continue the back story about my journey here. 

Precautions

 Today I have made a few more entries, there is still loads to catch up on though. It's not easy doing it on the phone. Also today I've been trying to organise myself and my things a little better. If someone should come then I've pretty much been a sitting duck so to speak. I haven't bothered doing anything about it until now because basically I have been feeling quite ill what with the cold and my wrist, and of I wasn't sure what I was doing. Also I wasn't really sure what I could do to hide myself anyway. But yesterday I was looking around for somewhere to hide some of my stuff away and I accidentally discovered quite a nice hiding place. If someone knew I was here and came specifically looking for me then I would still most likely be discovered. But if you were just casually looking around being nosey then I reckon I would be okay. In the bathroom, between the end of the bath and the wall, there is what looks to be a tall floor to ceiling cupboard but whilst the top half is a cupboard with a couple of shelves and a water tank the bottom half is an empty space that is paneled off, no door. By the looks of it there was once a water tank in there too as there are a couple of pipe ends that are simply hanging lose. I think at some time the panel was screwed in place as there are small holes all around the edge of the lose panel. I've used some of these holes to thread some wire through that I found in one of the rooms so that one edge of the panel is now permanently attached but I can still move the other side enough for me to put my things in and enter myself if needed. I just have the one piece of wire fastened to the opening side so that when inside I can pulling it tight shut and then wrap the other end of the wire around a pipe.

Another thing that I did was to take out the light bulbs from the bathroom and the bedroom. The bulb in the bathroom is the only source of light, there is no window so this would also hopefully help in making my hiding place less discoverable. I took the one out in the living room so that I don't accidentally turn it on, also I didn't want anyone deciding to use it in the bathroom. So now everything except the bedding lives either in the safe room or just outside it, depending on how much I use it, ready to be thrown in should I need to. So, if I hear someone I can just roll the bed stuff up in three to five seconds and disappear in to the safe room. 

When rooting around in the junk room opposite for some way of fastening the safe room panel in place I noticed three empty biscuit tins. So part way down the corridor to my room, more or less at it's darkest point I've balanced these tins on a small low table and underneath them I have placed this meter long shoe horn which sticks out in to the passage. The idea being that you walk in to the shoe horn which will pull the tins crashing down on to the wooden floor. So with the noise of the tins and all the cursing that would follow I should get more time to react. 

I'm calling the thing a shoe horn because that's what it looks like but I've never seen one that long before so  it maybe something else in reality. It has the shape of a shoe horn and at one end it's bent to form a hook shape. I'm just hoping that someone doesn't see it as a trap before it goes off. They shouldn't as it does blend in with all the other stuff that I have to keep on dodging around every time I use the corridor.

So that's it for today apart from the usual food run, diary work and sleeping.

Rubbish Connection.

 Today I have spend most of the time catching up with my diary entries which I'm having some trouble posting simply because I can't get online very well. I can't write them directly on the site so I'm writing them to my phone and then copying them over when I can get a wifi connection that stays connected long enough. I've never had any sort of cellular connection since I go here.

I went on a food run at just gone two this morning. I got pretty much the same as yesterday except there were no blueberries open but I found some raisins to mix with the porridge. I made three sandwiches with bread from the chicken bucket, I know, it sounds gross but it's okay. If there is new stuff coming in the old stuff will get thrown out to make room. Anyway that's what I got and so there is no worries about anyone noticing it missing. My biggest problem this morning was all the running up and down the stairs. I have to take up the sandwiches, then come back for the porridge, go back and made sure every things looks like no one has been there and then come back upstairs with a mug of coffee, also I have to be really careful not to spill anything in the darkness. Anyway I managed, as far as I can tell anyway.

Toe Raids In One Day.

 After eating and making my bed up I settled down and went to sleep. When I woke it was light but as usual I had no idea how long I had slept. I must say that even with my cold it was a good sleep. For the first time since I moved in here I was too warm. I started off with the sheep fur against my me but I find that when it touches exposed skin it's very itchy so I soon turned it over so that the fur is on the outside - like a sheep wears it. The underside feels a bit stiff but it's okay, I soon got used to it.

Not knowing what the time was reminded me of the four o'clock chime of the ticking clock and it was then that it came to me in a flash, I could go down the corridor and listen for the chime. So I got up and without bothering with my boots so to be as quiet as possible I went down to the end of the corridor. I did feel a bit exposed here but just hoped I would hear if anyone was approaching and have time to run for cover. I don't think this part of the house is visited very often anyway.

Waiting for the chime dragged on, I think it must have been one minute past the hour when I arrived at the door because it took so long that I began to fear that I couldn't hear it for some reason. At one point, to pass the time, I tried to work out what day it actually was. I came to the conclusion that it was the 5th, therefore a Sunday. Sunday on the estate stands out from other days in that for one thing I don't have lessons but mainly it's the only day everyone has to go down and have dinner during the day rather than in the evening. It's a sort of social occasion, so much so that even Dougie and Sheena have dinner with us. Anyway I've probably said all this before somewhere. The thing that I'm thinking is that everyone will be at dinner from two until maybe four so if I could get from here and through the forbidden door without being seen by the invisible man I would be free to go and get some things from my room in the flat. I know, it sounds risky but I don't think it would be that bad as long as everyone is doing the same as usual. I would just need to hope that grandfather isn't laid up again or something. Even if Ivan is still ill I shouldn't really come into contact with him.

Eventually the bell tolled, and apparently, if I counted right it was eleven o'clock. I'd got three hours to make my mind up. Actually it was three hours to talk myself out of it because in my mind I was already doing it. It was worth the risk simply to get my phone so as I didn't have to stand around for hours on end listening for the ticking clock to chime. I could plan better if I knew the time.

I lay in my bed keeping warm and thinking of things to get. I had to be quick, so I wouldn't be packing a suitcase or anything, nor could I strip the place. I could do with a bag of some kind. I got up and went across to the junk room opposite. There was a picnic basket that was a nice size but on opening it I found it still had plates, cups, cutlery and things in it. Then in the corner stuffed inside a tea chest I found a holdall, it was just right for what I want. It's black with writing saying 'BOAC' on one side and has both handles and a shoulder strap. So I borrowed it.

I went back to the door when I thought it was nearly two o'clock, but as it turned out it was only one! The thing is, was it one or had I not heard one of the chimes?

'What a carry on,' as Jim would say.

So I went back to my room and eat half the sandwich that I had and hung around for a while before heading back to the door. I became terribly pent up waiting, I was ready to give up on the idea at this point. It was only the fact that it would be so helpful if I could get a few of my things that made me stay true to the plan. I had to really concentrate as I needed to be dead sure this time as to how many chimes there were. I couldn't afford to doubt myself at all. It's so hard to concentrate on nothing though. Eventually, after what seemed like two days I heard the clock strike two, it was defo two for sure. I couldn't go yet though just in case someone was late. I knew grandfather wouldn't be late and Cindy would already be down there anyway doing all the work as usual. It is a sin to be late so I reckon fifteen minutes and I could go go go!I actually counted to sixty fifteen times, because you know what my clock is like.

I had to be careful how I opened this door now, I definitely didn't want to bump into the invisible man. This is where you have to be slow and take your time. I cracked the door and listened as I couldn't yet look through it, the gap wasn't big enough. I could only hear the ticking clock. All I ever hear is the ticking clock. I opened up a little more and now I could see nothing and only hear the usual. I judged it to be clear so I made a start. I was literally trembling with something, not sure if it was fear or excitement. I didn't bother messing around with the forbidden door as I reckoned I was in more danger from this side of it than the other. I went quick and quiet and soon I was standing on the landing. I could hear them talking downstairs and the smell of Sunday roast was amazing. If it wasn't for the thought that I would have to eat humble pie first I would have gone down and joined them.

Instead I climbed the three steps and opened the door to the storage area and then made my way across the room to the door to our flat. All was quiet again now except for the wind blowing over the roof of the house. I opened our door and thankfully there was no one there. There was a nice fire going though. I just went straight through to my room. I had to be calm so as not to forget anything. It felt really strange being in my room again. Everything appeared to be as I had left it. Even the hairbrush was still laid on the bed where I threw it before going down to breakfast on New Years Morning. I never thought then that I wouldn't be coming back again - except for now.

I picked up my phone AND charger. Underwear, socks, hair brush and hand mirror, a change of clothes and a few other bits that I could squeeze in to the bag. Before leaving I looked round to be sure there was nothing else. I felt a sadness come over me - even to the point of feeling a lump in my throat. Talk about stupid, I can't stand the place. I guess it was my place though. Now I'm a homeless squatter with nothing but what I can fit in a holdall. Crossing back out of the storeroom I noticed my boots and thought they might be better than my wellies if I had to do some walking but they wouldn't fit in the bag and I was still limited to one hand so reluctantly I had to leave them. This was a good thing though as grandfather would probably have noticed them missing. I need to be more careful. Stick to the plan.

Freedom To Choose.

 I woke this morning feeling really rough with a cold. I wish I hadn't fallen asleep when I did as I lost track of time. As it was I didn't know whether it was two o'clock or six o'clock. It made a difference because unless I was ready to hand myself in, six o'clock would be too late to do anything other than confining myself to this room.

When I woke again it was broad day light so absolutely no chance of straying far. I hadn't eaten anything in over twenty four hours, I was freezing cold and could hardly breath, I was feeling wretched to be honest.

I hadn't decided on what to do with myself. I lay most of the day on the bed thinking about things and dozing on and off as and when the bone chilling cold and painful wrist allowed. What I was doing was stupid but while I was here I had the freedom to choose, but to choose what? I couldn't make my mind up.

Seen as how a lot of the day had passed I decided to stay another night and go out when everyone is in bed and see what I can scavenge to make things more comfortable. For sure I was desperate for a clock of some kind. I need a quilt or something for the bed, something to eat. I did have all the water I could drink in the bathroom, although no hot water. I heard no sound of anyone all day, well, not while I was awake anyway. I did what I could to stay awake for the rest of he day as I needed to be awake when it went dark and then try and keep track of time best I could from there.

For a while I went across the passage to the room opposite as I remembered it to be full of all manner of things so I thought maybe there would be a clock. I did find two wall clocks but they needed batteries so no use to me.

A Second Visit To The East Wing.

 I was out of the house this morning by six. I'd written Jim a little note yesterday which I left for him on the table. I thanked him for his help and kindness and also confessed to borrowing his map which I planned on returning one day if possible.

The sun was nowhere near rising but it was still quite easy to see where I was going because of he snow casting a brightness. I couldn't help but think that when I arrived the snow stopped me from seeing whereas it was now helping me.

I crossed the bridge, very carefully as I only had the use of one hand this time. I completely never thought about this until I got to the bridge. Thankfully the boards were mostly clear of snow now. I don't think much snow must have fallen since I was there the other night as I could still see some of my footprints, and also where I tripped up over the wire cable. There were also some other prints which I am going to assume were grandfathers from yesterdays visit as they led through the trees and to some vehicle tracks just out of the wooded area. The vehicle tracks made things easier for me as I had something to follow. Because of the snow the rough track that Jim told me about was well and truly buried.

I must say that the going wasn't very easy although much better than the other day, at least it was level and once the sun came up the scenery was nice. Just hard work because of the depth of snow. I tried keeping to the vehicle tracks as much as I could but they tended to be more slippery.

I noticed when I woke up that I had a bit of a sore throat but then thought no more about it. However, as the day wore on I began to feel quite drained. I pressed on though and I'm reckoning that by lunch time I was somewhere near to where we left the Land Rover when going to the cabin. It was hard to say exactly as everything looked so different today. There was quite a wide area of land here between the base of the hill and the trees by the river so I'm thinking this is where I was wandering around the other day. I could see roughly where we climbed the hill and on to the track. I felt a bit stupid that I got lost in such a place, but that day I could hardly see for any distance around me whereas today I could see forever.

At this point I knew I wouldn't be walking to the Durness road, not that I ever really was. It must have been around lunch time although I wasn't sure as I had no clock of any kind to go by, just guess work going by the sun. Now that I was drawing closer to my destination I got to thinking more and more about how I was going to handle my reception. I was pretty sure I wouldn't welcomed as a hero, and definitely not as a prodigal grand daughter. The more I thought about it the more my Durness road plan seemed like a good idea! Mainly just for a bit of fun and to pass the time I started to think of how I could make it work. For sure it was something that I would need to do tomorrow and not today. I'd need somewhere to spend the night in that case. I thought of all the out buildings at the house and the best by far would be the boiler house. I would need an early start to give me time to reach the road and to get away before anyone spotting me from the house. Then I thought of the little room at the end of the east wing, it even had a bed in it unless someone took it out since I was there. By now I had reached the junction of tracks. To turn right would take me to the Durness road, to the left was the house which I could see in the distance. I sat a while to rest and whilst doing so formulated my plan to infiltrate the old butlers room at the end of the East Wing passage. For sure it was a crazy plan that would never work but it did appeal to my sense of fun. It's not like I would be breaking in to someone's house, I live there. If I walk in now I'm going to be slated so what's to lose? I persuaded myself I had to try it just for the fun of it. What's to lose?

I sat there until the sun went down before making a move so as not to be seen from the house. I needed to do this in case I carried out my silly game. It was fully dark when I reached the front entrance so if I hadn't been seen approaching it's unlikely that I would be now as I made my way around to the back door. Between the front and back drives there is a mound of earth on which grows trees and shrubs. I worked my way through these until I reached the a place where I could see the back door. I was really up for it. The thought of spending the night with grandfather was not at all appealing. To walk in and be met by everyone was not appealing either. I'm not sure what I was looking for but I watched all the same. They would all be having dinner soon so I couldn't really do much within the house until sometime after that. I didn't want to sit here all that time if I could help it was it was bitter now the sun was gone. Everything looked clear outside so I went down to the back door and looked through the keyhole to see if I could see anyone in the passage, it looked clear to me and there were no lights on in the laundry room so I quietly opened the back door, stepped in and softly closed it behind me. I was totally exposed now, it only needed Cindy to need something from one of the pantries, or anyone just using the passage, there would be no time or place to hide. So I just had to move fast and quiet, there was nothing to be gained by sneaking around. The laundry consists of three rooms, a drying room with a glass roof that was open to the back door passage. Then off that room was the room with the machines and another which was used to store the cleaned items. I chose the store room to conceal myself which I did on one of the racks between the wall and a pile of sheets. I reckon in the unlikely event that someone should come in I wouldn't be seen unless they took the actual sheets I was hiding behind.

I lay there for ages listening and waiting for everything to go quiet. Cindy is usually the last to leave and I can tell when she goes as she turns off the radio. When it had been quiet for a while I crawled out my hiding place. I was pleased to leave it as it became a bit uncomfortable after a while and I seemed to be there for ages.

I opened the door into the drying room and couldn't hear anything except for the fridge's in the kitchen and the only bit of light was coming through the glass roof. I crossed the drying room to the passage that led from the back door to the house. From here I could see to the kitchen door and whilst there was a dim light coming from within, I assumed it was from appliances such as microwave clocks and what have you. I didn't hang around and just went straight up the stairs and on to the first landing. Here I stopped and put my ear to the forbidden door which I needed to pass through. I could hear nothing. On cracking the door open though light came in from the other side, I hesitated. Thinking back I remembered the arch with the buttress and how it protected the view of this door to some extent. I decided to open the door a little more, it was a nice door, the catch was smooth and silent and there was no creaking or anything so as long as you didn't slam it back against the wall or anything it was fine. I could see with the door opened a bit more I could see that the light was coming from somewhere down the big staircase, the upstairs was in darkness. I passed through the door and closed it behind me and then wasted no time in passing through the door on my left in to the unused east wing. I knew there was nothing to fear about opening this door as there was only junk behind it. I breathed a sigh of relief, I felt safe now. I did have to be careful navigating the passage though as it was dark and as I remember it there was quite a few bits and bobs dumped here and there which I would need to negotiate. I made it to the end, turned sharp left and went as far as I could and there was the door to the room I was looking for, the room that was to be my sanctuary for the night.

I entered the room and from what I could see nothing had changed since my last covert visit - except back then it was much warmer. Tonight it hardly felt any warmer than it was outdoors. I lay on my back on the bed and immediately started to question the sanity of what I had just done. It was designed as I fun exercise to pass the time and not to be a reality. I think grandfather is right, I am a blithering imbecile.

The Snow Storm - Humble Pie Anyone?

 I was woken this morning by Jim leaving the house. Even though it was only just light I could see through the window from where I was laid that it was a much better day, weather wise at least. I lay there for a while just thinking about my situation and things in general. Also I was reluctant to move to much as every time I did a part of my body either refused or groaned profusely. My legs, in particular my thighs, felt like pieces of wood. My hand felt no better either, I'd been woken by it several times in the night and I must confess to it being a bit of a worry.

When I did eventually get myself off the sofa I staggered over to the window to take a look outside. It looked lovely, lots of snow under a clear sky and there was Jim across the yard taking bales of hay or from a wheel barrow through the door of a shed. I quickly found my clothes and got dressed which wasn't so easy with the use of only one hand. Everything had dried nicely over night including my boots which I took to the porch before putting on. Outside it was VERY cold but it was dry and bright so that was good. I could see the yard that I had wandered into last night a lot better this morning. It was basically a square yard with house and various farm buildings around three sides. The fourth side being a stone wall in which was a gate that opened out in to fields of snow.

I walked out of the yard on the track by which I had entered last night, I wanted to take a look at where I had come from. It's crazy how much more simple it all looked in the light of day. I could see right down to the river, the hen house and run, the bridge, the wooded area, I could even follow the line of trees by the river all the way up the valley. It really was crazy. I went to find Jim who I hung out with all morning, I enjoyed my time with him feeding the animals and mixing feed and what have you although I wasn't able to help as much as I would have liked because of my hand problem. I sort of wished I could stay there with him.

After lunch grandfather came walking in to the yard. We were in the house at the time, my heart sank like a stone in a pond. I told them I didn't want him coming for me, no one ever listens to me. I was so sickened I just couldn't face him so Jim went out by himself, which I guess, thinking about it now was a bit pointless as I was going to have to face him. There was no way he would leave without seeing me at least. After some discussion and considerable arm waving between them they started coming towards the house so I rushed out as I didn't want to be trapped inside with him. As soon as we laid eyes on each other it was hell as usual. He blamed me for this, I accused him of that, all the usual stuff the only difference was that I wasn't going to be bullied in to being silent like I usually am. It all ended by him calling me a blithering imbecile, which I think must be his pet name for me judging by how many times he calls me it. I told Jim, in a rather nasty manner I'm ashamed to say, to get rid of him and I turned and went back inside. I didn't want to be this sort of a person and it upset me.

Jim came in then sounding like he was having a go at me asking, why did you do that?"

"What, you mean stick up for myself!" I replied.

"No, I mean refuse a lift home, what're you going to do now?"

I answered by asking, "Can't I just stay here with you?"

"Ha ha - No way, I don't want your hassles here. I didn't mind helping when you were in a fix, and you can stay tonight but that's it."

"Right, that's fine, I'll just walk. With a bit of luck I might even get lost again and just die." I retorted rather stupidly. I just couldn't help it.

Jim said he was going out to do some work because there was obviously no talking to me. He did the right thing. I guess this is another place where I out stayed my welcome. I think I must be a truly loathsome person.

I sat on the sofa all pent up and in a proper huff, which is never good. It makes me think up all manner of stupid idea's that make no sense in reality but seem more than reasonable to me at the time.

It was during this time of reflection that I noticed the map from last night still folded up on the corner of the table. I got up and laid it out on the table again and began to study it like some intrepid explorer planning a great expedition. In reality I was looking to see how far I was going to have to walk back to the estate should no one else show up for me, which was more than likely the outcome considering the outburst at my last chauffer. Whilst looking I checked the route against something I knew just as a reference to give me some idea how far it was. Looking at the track from the house to the Durness road I reckoned that the route from where I was at Jim's place back to the house was roughly similar, or maybe even a bit less, so I thought it would be no problem for me to walk it. It seemed it was maybe six miles or so. With an early start I could be back by lunch time. My main concern at that moment was how much humble pie I was going to have to consume when I got there. The problem wasn't the walk but the reception at the end of it - gulp! As they say in comics.

Jim came back in just before darkness fell and lit the fire and then made beans on toast for dinner. We talked okay and there seemed to be no hard feelings or anything but I could tell he wasn't the same Jim.

At bed time I didn't bother with all the messing around with pajamas as it was to difficult, also I had already decided that I was going to sneak off early before Jim was up, even if it meant setting off in the dark. I had actually half been entertaining the idea of maybe walking all the way to the Durness road and trying to get a lift south, escape glen grim altogether and also avoid the humble pie. The idea scared me somewhat so in reality I probably wouldn't. It's okay having brainwaves like that when you're laid on a sofa safe and sound in front of a warm fire. More scary to actually do it though.

The Snow Storm - Jim.

 I could see now that the light was coming from a fitting attached to the corner of the house and there was also some light coming from a window. As I drew close I peeked through the window to see a man with a thick mop of black hair slumped in a big brown leather looking armchair in front of an open fire. He had his hands clasped over his belly and his chin was buried in to his upper chest. He looked to me to be asleep. I move my position slightly so that I could see more of the room and suddenly a dark blur of fur and teeth flew at the window. I recoiled back instinctively half expecting the flying sheep dog to come bursting through the window. I could see the man stand up as I gathered some sort of composure. He came to the window and put his face close to the glass, so I directed my friendliest wave towards his gaze thinking maybe he wouldn't be best pleased that I had woken him up. Although technically speaking it was his dog that had done that. I heard the man shout something at the dog who immediately shut up. He didn't acknowledge my wave but instead looked around the yard before walking away from my view. This was enough of a grandfather welcome so as to cause me a little concern so I waited where I was. Soon a light came on in the glass enclosed porch and the man stepped from the house in to the porch where upon he proceeded to scan around the yard once again before setting his gaze upon me. I at this point was wondering whether I was wandering in to a Texas Chainsaw massacre type scenario. Maybe I would have been better spending a sneaky night cuddled up with the cat in one of the barns. I guess it was too late now though as the man opened the door to me and asked what was going on. I took a step forward and explained that I was from the ------ ------- estate and had been out on the hill with my grandfather and that we had become separated which subsequently caused me to become lost. I'm such a kind forgiving person. In reality I thought the whole truth of the situation might complicate things. I also went on to ask if he would allow me to take shelter in one of his barns for the night.

"Och! you're kiddin, are you alone then?" he asked once again scanning the yard.

"Yes," I replied.

There seemed to be room for some doubt at this point in proceedings as to who exactly was the threat, if indeed there was any threat at all. I got the impression from his attitude of amazement and yard scanning that he thought I was some sort of decoy for a mass gang raid or something. I on the other hand was still unsure whether he could be trusted not to take advantage of the lone soul predicament that I found myself in.

"So why would you want to sleep in the barn, would you rather not come in the house?" he asked.

"Well yes of course, I don't want to put you out or anything though." Was my reply.

He went on to say, "I can assure you I would be more put out knowing a wee young lassy like yoursel' was in my barn freezing to death while there was a perfectly good couch going spare in front of the fire."

I thanked him for being so kind and stepped into the porch when beckoned to do so. I took off my wellies with difficulty as my left wrist was becoming very painful. I left them by the door. It's no wonder my feet were so cold, they were soaking, my whole lower legs were wet up to my knees. He reached past me to pick up my boots saying he would put them to dry and what a carry on it all was. He led me through the door and in to the house where there was a small hallway with a stairway in front and a door to either side. He indicated to go through the right hand door, however I remembered all the teeth and fur flying towards me when I first arrived so thought it was worth enquiring if it was safe for me to do so. He assured me that the dog would be fine and to just ignore him. He was right, on opening the door the dog just came and gave me a sniff and deciding that I wasn't tasty enough so went and settled down on the sofa. The man, who I now know as Jim moved the dog along so that I could sit directly in front of the fire. He said to get myself warmed up while he went to find me something dry to change into. I wasn't at all cold except for my feet and legs which were starting to get the hot aches as the circulation returned to them. I looked around the room from where I sat. The dog who was watching me while curled up beside me looked so cute and I was tempted to stroke him but thought better of it. Directly behind the sofa was an old wooden table with four chairs around three sides, the fourth side was pushed up against the back of the sofa. Against the wall to my left was a large dresser crammed full of all sorts of pottery. At the back of me beyond the table was the door through which we had entered and to the right of that, under the sloping stairs was the kitchen area. In front of me at either side of the fireplace were floor to ceiling cupboards, two at each side. There was no TV in this room but there was a radio on the floor by Jim's chair. That was more or less it really apart from pictures on the walls and some ornaments dotted here and there.

Jim returned with a blue dressing gown and a package which he started pulling apart.

"I haven't really got anything in your size." he informed me.

"Mum bought me these for Christmas, they will be much to big for you but at least they haven't been worn". He added.

It didn't really bother me whether they were worn or not but he seemed to think it was important so I played along.

He said he would go over and make a drink while I got out of my wet clothes and also asked if I would like something to eat as he had some vegetable stew left over from his dinner. I told him that I would love some and thanked him for his kindness. He assured me that he wouldn't look until I told him I was ready. That touched my heart, he seemed really sweet.

Getting changed proved to be quite a problem as my left hand was virtually unusable now, the back of my hand and wrist were swelling up like a balloon. Jim was at least three times my size so you can imagine what the pyjamas looked like on me. Luckily they had a draw cord waist so I was able to get them tight enough to stay pulled up. I let Jim know that I was ready and when he came over to inspect me we had a bit of a laugh and a joke before I asked him to roll up the sleeves and legs and also had he got a bandage or something for my wrist. He pulled a face then left the room soon returning with this great long bandage which he used to expertly strap up my hand, wrist and lower arm. He seemed to think I've broken something. I have to say it did feel better bandaged up even though I couldn't do much with it.

Before dinner he made me call Ms Oliver to let them know where I was and that I was safe for the night. I didn't want to but he said I had to because people would be out looking for me - I never thought of that, not sure why. I didn't phone her in particular but I didn't have my phone so didn't have the numbers of anyone. Being a neighbour of sorts Jim had the number for the estate which automatically goes through to Ms Oliver. I told her what happened and she said she would send someone to fetch me tomorrow if possible. I said not to send grandfather as I wouldn't ever be going anywhere with him again. She returned with a load of excuses which I couldn't really be bothered listening too. The main gist being that he was very upset and concerned and that he thought I had returned to the safety of the Land Rover as instructed by him. Apparently we are going to talk about it all when I return!

We spend the rest of the night chatting and at one point he got a detailed map of the area and lay it out on the table to show me where I was, where he thought I walked from and where the estate house is. Also he pointed out to my disgust that where I stumbled my way along the tree lined river bank, around five hundred meters to my left there was a proper track and that he thought that is probably where grandfather left the Land Rover. I probably wasn't too far away from it at some point but when you can only see about ten meters five hundred is quite away I guess.

It might seem strange to others but although I did get in a bit of a sweat when I first realised that I had lost the Land Rover I never actually considered how serious my predicament really was. I think maybe it was because I never gave up thinking that I would get somewhere. It wasn't until we were looking at the map and he pointed out what was around, which was basically nothing, I realised it was a miracle that I ended up where I was. I felt quite sick when he pointed out that if I hadn't found his place I would most likely have died from exposure out in the open sometime during the night. Even now I don't know whether I would as I was always warm enough, too hot most of the time actually.

I think that's about it for New Years Day. If I think of anything else I will add it later as a back entry.

The Snow Storm - Chicken Bridge.

 The truth of it was though, it had no connection with our river at all. I always made sure I kept the trees in sight as I made my way through a completely white landscape littered with big tussocks of grass and heather. Every single footstep had to be planned but still I slipped, tripped and stumbled. I can only guess now at how many times I had to pick myself up out of the ever deepening snow. The going was tortuous and exhausting, there were many cooling off periods. I had no idea how far I travelled. For the most part the trees were growing in a thin strip along the edge of the river but as darkness began to fall they spread out to form more of a woodland area. Instead of continuing to skirt the edge of the trees I decided to stay close to the river bank. There was less snow under the trees but it was no easier to travel. gone where the tussocks to be replaced by roots and branches and every time I brushed against anything it showered me in great heaps of snow. I was getting to the end of my tether by now and I was just wondering how I was going to spend the night when once again my foot caught in something unseen and I went head first into the snow hitting my head on something as I went down.

I rolled over on to my back cursing. Each time I fell it was harder to get back on to my feet. I lay there on my back, an occasional snow flake landing softly on my face. I tried to sit up but as I did something across my chest stopped me. I reached out to find I was laid under what felt like a metal cable. Following it with my hand I discovered that it was going from the ground upwards at an angle where it must be attached to something. This discovery gave me a new lease of life. I dragged myself out from under the cable and when standing saw that there were actually two of these cables side by side about two meters apart. I must have tripped over one and ended up under the other. These cables were the start of a bridge crossing the river which was now thundering down a narrow gorge. To me at this point it meant that I must be on a track of some kind, I mean, surely they wouldn't just build a bridge for no reason.

I had a problem now, which way to go? Presumably a path led from the bridge through the trees but as I could see no real evidence of this I decided to cross the bridge, also ever since I came upon the river I always had this feeling that I need to be on the other side of it, although I was never sure why. I must confess to not being at all comfortable with setting foot on the bridge as I'd been on one of these bridges before and it was well dodgy. I hate the way they move around when you walk on them. I set off very aware that the wooden boards would be slippery so every step I tried to clear some of the snow off. All the time my hands were clenched around the metal ropes on either side, ready to save me from slipping into the raging waters below. Soon they became cold but I still hung on tightly to the ropes as I crossed the black void. Once the middle was reached without incident I became a little more confident so the journey up the other side didn't seen so bad and I was soon breathing a huge sigh of relief on the firm ground on the other side.

As I stood there recovering and trying to work out which way the path from the bridge went, I noticed in front and to the left a little, there was a very faint glow of light. Because it seemed to be up in the sky I thought at first the weather was clearing a little and it was the moon but then I heard a noise that I recognised instantly as that of a chicken. I sometimes had to look after the chickens back at the house so there was no doubt in my mind what it was, and so if there were chickens there would be people not far away. So, maybe what I assumed was the moon was actually an electric light to a property. Off I set now with renewed vigour towards the very faint distant glow and almost immediately walked in to a wire netting fence. Even though I could see the brightness the actual visibility situation was still almost zero. I felt my way carefully along the fence until I reached a corner. I was now able to make my way directly towards the glow which became more obvious the closer I got to it. I had to climb up a bit of a hill which is why the light looked like it was coming from the sky when I was down at the hen run. As the slope levelled out I came up on a stone field wall which I climbed up one side, slipped and fell - AGAIN - down the other. I fell with quite a thud this time and although I didn't realise it straight away I hurt my hand/wrist somehow. I didn't dwell on this at all as now I was excited to be able to clearly see what was causing the brightness that had beckoned me towards it from afar. I passed between the barns that had been shielding the light directly from me and as I did so a cat jumped out from somewhere and ran across in front of me almost causing me to have a heart attack. I thought about going to find somewhere to rest up in one of the barns but I didn't think about it for long. After all I had nothing to hide so carried on into the yard.

The Snow Storm - The Lost Soul.

 I had been over to this area of the estate once before with Dougie but I've never been to the Ben Hope cabin so I wasn't very familiar with the route we took, also the weather had really began to close in with more snow and mist so visibility wasn't the best. The cabin is perched high up on the hillside and whilst there is an access track for vehicles we couldn't use it this day as it was to steep, although he did make a couple of attempts. I suppose the whole day would have turned out different had we been able to drive up to the cabin as planned. As it was he drove some way around the hill and abandoned the Land Rover in favour of walking. Without a word he jumped out of the Land Rover, got his tool bag out of the back and set off at a pace to the foot of the hill and then continued straight up the steep slope to the track that we had to abandon with the Land Rover. Once on the track he followed it up hill. It was a more gentle climb along the track but by this time I had fallen some distance behind him on account of the ski suit being to big and cumbersome for me and my wellington boots being so slippery in the snow. I had to climb the steep hill to the track mostly by pulling myself up with my hands which were now freezing. Luckily because the sleeves were long on the suit I was able to pull my hands up inside them once on the track soon warmed them back up again. Because grandfather had now disappeared into the ever worsening conditions I gave up on the silent treatment and shouted for him to wait. I heard him reply but I couldn't hear what it was he said so I tried my best to catch up. I was simply following his tracks in the snow by now but the further we went even they were getting harder to see. It was really strange, there was just whiteness everywhere, nothing else, no depth to anything, I couldn't even tell where the edge of the track was until I wandered off it. I was getting a bit scared now so I shouted to grandfather again and said I needed him to wait. His reply this time came above and to my left and not in front of me as I expected it would. I could tell he was angry too. This time I did hear him telling me to go back and wait for him at the Land Rover. This made me angry now because that wasn't the agreement, he just didn't want me with him for whatever reason and that was that. I may as well not have come if all I was going to do was sit and wait for him in the Land Rover.

Looking back I think the anger and frustration I felt probably distracted me enough to clouded my judgment. I was to preoccupied with thinking of ways to drop him in it with Ms Oliver when we got back that I missed where I needed to leave the track for the Land Rover. It didn't help either that our tracks were now gone and I could see absolutely nothing. The snow was falling thick and fast, big massive flakes as big as golf balls. I only realised I'd missed the dropping down off the track place when I reached the steep bit of track that we couldn't get up with the land Rover earlier. I was going to turn back but then remembered how steep the climb down would be so thought it might be safer going to the end of the track now that I was almost there, and then walk around the bottom of the hill back to where we left the Land Rover.

Unfortunately the plan didn't work out as I didn't find the Land Rover. Having since passed through the area in good weather I think I must have struck off from the end of the track at the wrong angle. This wouldn't have been hard to do as all I could see was whiteness. Having walked for what I thought was to far to have not arrived at the Land Rover I stopped unsure what to do next. It would have been easy to have freaked out. There didn't seem much point in going further but I couldn't think of what else to do. I considered shouting for grandfather but there didn't seem much point in that either as he was most likely at the cabin by now. I did think that if I just stayed there I should hear the Land Rover start up as I felt that it must be close by. With that in mind I attempted to walk round in a circle thinking that if it was close by I might catch a glimpse of it but I didn't see anything but white, I don't think I even managed to walk in a circle to be honest. I stopped again, took the hood from my head and listened but not only was there no sight but there was no sound either. I tried walking in another circle but in the other direction so I would have made a like a figure of eight. But as I say I couldn't tell if I was actually walking a circle so it could have ended up being any sort of a shape.

It was during this second circle that I heard running water somewhere to my left. So I turned and headed in that direction and soon dark shadows loomed out of the whiteness. They were trees along a river bank. The water looked cold and black surrounded by all the white as it was. I was excited by my find at first as I assumed that it must be the river that runs past the house from the loch. On thinking about it a while though I came to the conclusion that it couldn't be as there wasn't anything I recognised, also it seemed to be flowing in the wrong direction. So with this in mind I then thought it must be a tributary of our river. I hung around some more not wanting to cut ties with the illusive Land Rover but time passed and I heard nothing, I even shouted for help a couple of times and heard no reply. So rightly or wrongly I decided to follow the river in the hope that when it joined the river that flows past the house I would have a better idea of where I was.

The Snow Storm - Grandfathers Two Hour Assistant.

 I woke this morning to a covering of snow with more falling, this thrilled me no end. I quickly rushed to have a wash and get dressed, almost bursting with excitement for the day ahead. Being better now grandfather was already out so I didn't see him until I went down to breakfast.

It sounded like everyone else was already in the staff dinning room as I slipped quietly down the stairs, I'm not allowed to clomp like a cart horse! I hesitated on the lower part of the stairs because I could tell something was afoot. I wouldn't say that the conversation was heated but it definitely seemed loaded.

As I walked in, the room went quiet and the conversation turned to small talk. Mainly about a problem at the Ben More cabin. I must add that the previous topic wasn't necessarily brought to a close because they were talking about me. Being the rooky so to speak means that there are certain things that I'm not privy to. It doesn't bother me to much as it's usually something that is boring or doesn't affect me.

I got my porridge and took up my usual place at one of the long sides of the table. I noticed Ivan was missing but I just thought he hadn't yet arrived, which was of slight relief to me seen as how grandfather scowls at me if he thinks I'm the one who's late. The small talk quickly dried up and everyone fell silent again, I didn't know the cause but I could feel the tension. I hardly dare dip my spoon into my bowl for fear it made a noise and triggered the seemingly impending doom. I need not have worried to much about that though as it was simply eye contact with Cindy that sparked the explosion.

She started to ask, "Do you mind helping your granddad this...."

Grandfather interrupted her. "I've told you, she is of no use to me, she can't even dress herself properly half the time let alone assist with plumbing matters, just be told will you."

I was deeply upset and offended by this, I'd actually been thinking that since his illness we'd been getting on a little better but it seems not. I was about to retaliate when Ms Oliver chimed up. She never feels the need to be invited.

"That's enough Tom," she scolded.

"That heating needs sorting out today one way or another and you're the only one who can do it but after how ill you've been there is no way you're going all the way out there alone in this weather and Kate is the only one who is free to accompany you so the pair of you will just have to get on with each other for a couple of hours, like it or lump it." She added.

I asked why Ivan couldn't go but apparently he was in bed with the flu.

Grandfather grunted and got up from the table and took his pots through to the kitchen. Cindy also got up and as she did so she said she had just the thing for me and to stay where I was. She followed grandfather out of the dinning room, he going right towards the back door and Cindy climbed the stairs to her flat.

She returned just as I was finishing my coffee with a bright red all in one ski suit. She handed it to me and said to try it on. I put it on over the clothes I was wearing, which I managed to choose all by myself! The suit was on the large side for me but it was okay and certainly nice and warm. She said that I could borrow it and added that I was better dressed than he was now, meaning grandfather. I put my wellies on, said my goodbyes and went out to find grandfather.

I was sort of hoping that he might have disobeyed orders and gone without me but no such luck. He'd got his Land Rover started and turned round and was doing something under the hood. I didn't bother going to him, I just got in the Land Rover and slammed the door shut so that he knew I was there and waited for him. Soon he put the hood down and then climbed in beside me and without a word set off down the drive like his head was on fire. We didn't speak a word between here and there and it was truly awful.