Out For Delivery. (EXPLICIT).

 WARNING: This contains some naughty bits so don't read if you think you maybe offended. I've kept them as small as I can and still tell the story.

This morning after passing my usual inspection with flying colours, which tends to be the norm these days thankfully, I was instructed to change in to something more suitable for going out on the bike. There are two deliveries to the cabins needed quite urgently and grand father had other business to attend to.

“You will need bread, milk and eggs for 'Quinag' and just milk for 'Canisp'.” Miss Oliver informed me before I left the room.

I went up to my room and was feeling quite pleased, but not overly so as past experiences, of which there had been many, taught me better than to go getting all excited about anything. After  all there was still the possibility of this being another random act of disappointment. Before doing anything I got my note book and wrote down what I had been told while it was still clear in my mind. Having not long being back to doing bike jobs I didn't want to mess up again, not that I messed up the last time. I just got blamed for it.

It was a pleasant sunny day with some breeze, so it looked to be good as far as there being no midge's, things could change though so I decided in the end to ditch the shorts and put on light trousers instead. I remembered to take my head net but didn't end up using it, it's always best to have it with you though. My gloves were with my helmet, I always wear both when on the bike. So I would be as midge proof as is possible which is always the main concern when going anywhere here at this time of the year.

I picked up the box of items from the kitchen, checked them off against my list and then checked my list with Miss Oliver before placing them on the bike. Before setting off I gave the bike a check round as I'm continually being instructed to do so by the man with half his Land Rover piled up on the seat beside him rather than in their proper operating positions.

I took a steady drive up the glen, mindful that I had eggs on board, also I was in no hurry. I was enjoying the day so there was no need to rush to end it, which is always a bonus around these parts.

I went up to 'Quinag' first and dropped off the bread, milk and eggs, checking them off in my notebook as I did. The man and lady there had a chat with me, they only just came in yesterday so needed to know a few things which I helped them with where I was able. They gave me £5 for my trouble, which I tried to refuse. You can only refuse so much before it can start to appear offensive so in the end I just took it as I definitely didn't want to risk offending anyone. I'd be in right trouble when I got back

Next was 'Canisp' which was up the glen a bit further, before then heading up the opposite hillside. Apparently the person here had only moved in on Saturday so I was expecting maybe more questions. I worry a bit about this as I don't know everything and so am in fear of disappointing them or incurring the wrath of grand father. Anyway, I arrived there without issue, took off my helmet and gloves which I put down on the seat before taking out the loaf of bread. I was instructed not to disturb the resident and to leave any items to one side of the door, preferably out of the sun. I was just in the possess of following these instructions as there was no one around. I put the loaf down and was just trying to hide it from the sun behind a big log when suddenly the door opened so I looked up to find myself staring at a big pair of dangling bollocks and a good sized matching accessory, and more to the point, absolutely nothing else! Not that I'm an expert,  only ever having previously seen the one to compare it to, and I certainly wasn't going to be hanging around doing measurements or anything just so as to give you all a more accurate account of my findings!

I jumped back quicker than a startled rabbit and further than a kangaroo on super fast rewind. Only turning back to take another look when I was half way back to my bike, and even then it was only to check that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing because it all felt quite unreal. It was definitely the truth and what's more the guy wasn't doing anything to hide the truth either. In fact he was now shouting after me so I quickly continued to my bike and got the hell out of there as they say. 

To be truthful he wasn't shouting angry or anything, it was just things like “hey, it's okay, it's alright, I'm sorry to surprise you” things like that. At the bottom of the hill I stopped to recover and think about that happened and what to do about it. I wasn't that bothered about that which I saw, and as surprises go it only really had the same effect as any other surprise, of which I've had a few. I think it was the thought of what he might have had planned for me if anything. It maybe just a simple flash, I've never been subjected to one before. We used to call the guys at school a flasher if they didn't do up their zips properly but this old guy was on a completely different level to that.

I put on my helmet and gloves, which in my haste to leave, I had simply thrown in to the box on my bike in order to aid a speedy escape. I considered what my next actions were to be all the way home but came up with none. It's not something that's easy to bring up, especially with anyone here, and besides, do I really want to go down a rabbit hole like that. I've decided to just forget about it, the incident that is, it's not so easy to forget about the other! There was no real harm done after all and it's unlikely that I will ever see him again. I have more than enough problems without making more for myself.