First Night Nerves.

 After dinner I followed grandfather back to the flat, when upon entering he went straight to the wood burner and put on some wood. I sat myself down at one end of the two seater couch, very nervous and unsure of myself and the situation. On turning round he stopped, looked at me and said that I was sitting in his place. Who would have guessed that! I mean there are only two  places and I chose the wrong one - sigh! So, not wanting to cause hard feeling by encroaching on his environment, I willingly moved to the next cushion along. I looked up expecting to see some sign that I'd done good at rectifying the problem without a fuss, only to be greeted by a continued stare of condemnation. 

"What?" I questioned.

"You're still in my place." He replied sharply.

"You sit over there." He said pointing over towards the table by the window where there were two straight backed wooden dinning chairs. I didn't know what to say, I was literally speechless. If it was anyone else I would have laughed, thinking that were joking with me. But he didn't have a joke in him. Or an once of compassion either it would seem.

I took to one of the back breaking chairs, watching him as he lay there taking up all of the couch, hating him and everything about this place and my situation. I stuck it for an hour before deciding that I was better off in bed.

"I'm off to bed now, good night!" I announced at around nine o'clock.

"Just a minute, aren't you supposed to be asking to be dismissed first?"

By now I was tired and my patience worn so thin you could see right through it.

"Look, it's my bed so I'm going to go and sleep in it, what's to ask about?" I TOLD him.

"Well for one thing it would be polite and secondly someone may want to tell you something before you retire."

Sod off, I thought to myself as I walked out of the door without saying another word.

Of course, the minute you leave the room with the heating in it everywhere else is freezing as there is no other heat source in the place other than the log burner. I quickly got in to bed and buried myself under the covers, which were so cold they actually had a damp feeling about them. Thankfully someone had seen fit to furnish the bed with a thick quilt and plenty of blankets so it did soon warm up.

As with most people, I've heard of people cutting themselves and even taking their own lives and as with no doubt many others I could never figure out why you would want to do such a thing. That night as I lay in bed the answer to that question became frighteningly clear. It's when anywhere is better than where you are in that moment, and the only apparent opportunity to escape is the above mentioned.

So this is now my life, thanks loads mum! I friggin' well hate you too! BITCH!!