Walking The Stairs

 I've had a lesson on how to use stairs this morning, apparently I've using them like a herd of cart horses.

When on my way down to breakfast this morning I arrived at the bottom of the stairs to find grandfather standing there hands on hips, and half a fried egg in his moustache,  giving me the dead eye. 

"What?", I asked. Instantly aware that I was about to get it in the neck for some reason. One is never sure half the time. 

"Get back up those stairs and come down them properly", was his reply.

As I say, who knows what his problems is, I got to the bottom in one piece what more was there to coming down a flight of stairs? I got nearly to the first landing when I heard, 

"QUIET!"

This was when he informed me that I sounded like a herd of cart horses. Thereafter I climbed to the top and then came back down the four flights, two flights per floor. Being wooden with no covering it's hard not to make any noise.

I arrived at the bottom to be told to go and do it again as he heard me. I started to argue but was told, 

"Don't answer me back girl, or that will be another lesson you will need to be taught."

So this time I was determined not to let him hear me. This time I got half way down and then was told, "I heard that, do it again."

It was the slightest of noises as I stepped onto the middle landing. In my frustration I then went and made another noise climbing back up which got me bawled out again. 

This time at the top I took my shoes off and crept down in my socks half expecting to be accused of cheating when I got to the bottom. In actual fact he sort of gave me a compliment I think. I'm never sure as he can even make a compliment sound like a put down.

"Oh my goodness, you do actually possess some common sense after all," he said sarcastically.

But then, stupidly thinking that was  lesson over, I dropped my shoes on the tiled floor intending to sit on the bottom step and reattach them to my feet.

"What on earth is the matter with you?" He yelled.

"I'm telling you now, you WILL learn to do this even if I have to stand here all day teaching you," he said, right in my face now.

I was told to do it again. So off I went and at the second landing I was called back to the bottom.

"What are those?" he asked pointing to my shoes on the floor where I'd dropped them. 

I hate it when he asks me a question that he already knows the answer too. I told him they were my shoes, and then said he said that shouldn't I pick them up. So I pointed out that I was hopefully only going to be minute and then I'd be putting them on.

"Well it only takes one second for Ms Oliver to come around that corner, trip over your shoes that you threw there in temper and end up in hospital with a broken arm," he replied.

I'm not sure why he was referring to only Ms Oliver, if he wants to go down that road there are other people beside her. I didn't say a word, just picked up my shoes and set off back up the stairs - almost forgetting why I was doing it. Thankfully he didn't notice my heavy foot fall on the first three steps on account on him still going on about none existent broken arms. Apparently it amounted to sixty in total in the time it took me to climb the stairs and back.

"Right, now do it again so that I know it wasn't a fluke," he said as I stepped down from the final step and on to the tiles of the corridor floor.

I'm thinking that I want to punch him in his stupid face at this point, or at least give him a mouthful. I knew he would have loved that though so I said no words, had a look on my face that said no thoughts and moved in a way that made no sound as I climbed the stairs and returned. 

"Right, get your shoes on and get your breakfast," he instructed. The lesson was obviously over.

I did as he said then got a bowl of porridge from the kitchen and went to the staff dinning room. He was sat in his usual place at one end of the table eating his food which by now must have been stone cold. Not that I was bothered. As soon as I walked in he started having another go at me.

"Just so that you are aware, the next time you turn up late for a meal you won't be getting it. I'm not having this girl he cooking meals for people who think they can just show up when they feel like it," he told me in a stern voice.

Well I was fuming now, I think it was only Ms Oliver's intervention that saved him from getting a bowl of porridge on his head. She told him with great authority in her voice to leave it and then glared at me. She can be a hard faced cow too but she has come to my aid a few times. Not particularly on my side but more as a referee. Anyway the good thing is he shuts up and leaves me alone for a while when she speaks. What I mean by that is, he gives me the silent treatment. This can sometimes be as bad as him talking though as there is this huge tension in the air. It's horrible and can last for weeks.

Random Acts Of Disappointment.

 I woke this morning with an underlying dread coursing through my veins, it seems to be the way I wake up most mornings to be honest. I knew this morning there was going to be some sort of retribution to be faced for me attitude last night when going to bed.

Because of the above mentioned I was surprised when after breakfast I passed the inspection of my person appearance. You'd think that was a good thing but you soon learn that it just means there is something more substantial awaiting you down the line. This day I didn't get much further down that line because during the inspection of my naughty (step)book he took it from me rather than giving it the normal quick glance over, and wrote something down on the page for today before handing it back to me still open on the said page. He didn't speak but I took it that it was intended for me to read the entry he just made.

Under the heading, 'Note A Failure, under achievement or reprimand.'

He'd written, 'I have a problem with regard to disappointment where by I become over excitable, aggressive and insolent.

In the follow up section under, ' 'How Can I Rectify The Above?'

He wrote, 'Ask grand father to subject me to random acts of disappointment until he feels I have rectified all of the above problems that continually inflict me'.

On reading this I was literally seething inside. I waited to be dismissed, staring directly at the wall in front of me.

It was hard to concentrate on anything for the rest of the day. No doubt some would say just to do it and get it over with. but they would be missing the bigger picture, which is psychological domination. I know that he's going to do what he's going to do with or without my permission in his so called quest to improve my character. If I give in it would show I have a weak character therefore I would need more of the same to build it up. If I defy him it means I need more of he same in order to crack me, so find my limit.

This afternoon he has had me cleaning our staircase from top to bottom.

Silent Witness Silenced.

 We've spent the last two nights watching Silent Witness on TV. Then within ten minutes of the end, just as we are about to find out who and why, he mutters something about a load of rubbish, stands up and turns off the TV!

I should have known better than to rise to it but it was just instinct, "What are you doing?" I asked, all frustrated.

He walks up, looks at me and says, "Get to bed!" before walking off to his room with the remote, and that was it. What sort of twat does that?!!

The next time he tells me to make him a drink I've a good mind to boil my piss and make it from that. He won't break my spirit or beat me down, he would love more than anything now to see me go to bed crying and all depressed. Instead, after a visit to the bathroom, as I walked through is room to get to mine I said in a bright and cheery manner, "Good night, have sweet dreams". and then punched the living daylights out of my pillow. He hates that, he calls it 'my attitude'. Don't come that attitude with me, I don't like your attitude, you need to change your attitude, you've got the most annoying attidute, you'll never make anything of yourself with an attitude like yours, so on and so on.

Happy Valentines.

Attitudes.

 Today, as part of my home schooling I had my first lesson from Miss Oliver who has been appointed by someone, most likely herself, to be my improvement guide. Ha ha - because I need bringing up to standard! So no more chasing round after middle aged men – boring!

This particular lesson has been on attitude, apparently everyone has one and it's the one thing in our lives that we all have the ability to change, and mine at the moment is not good it would seem. She reassuringly told me not to worry though as she has had to deal with far worse.

The lesson revolved around a video that I had to watch as many times it took for something to sink in, is what she told me before leaving. I was alone in my room so I was free to do what I wanted as long as I had something to show her by lesson's end.

I did find it quite interesting to be honest. What I have taken from it today is that basically speaking, your own attitude reflects back at you. At least that's what I wrote about and Miss Oliver seemed impressed that I was able to grasp the principle, especially with me being of such a low standard.

So if you are happy and helpful then in theory life on the whole will be the same way back to you. I suppose there will be those that will not fit the rules as there is always one. I think Miss Oliver was assuming I was the one in this case. My homework for the gap between my self improvement lessons, I'm not sure when the next one is, will be to make notes on how my attitude is failing me at the moment. Apparently she is also going to be doing the same, with regard to me, not herself. Then we are going to compare notes.